How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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