You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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