I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
