So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
