When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize