I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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