i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
