I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize