His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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