I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
