Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
