I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
