I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
