no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
