I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
