i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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