The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
