then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
