By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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