i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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