did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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