once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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