you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
