Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Even my vagina gasped.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
