i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
