pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
