In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
