It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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