So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I need to stop coming to work sober
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
