i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
