I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
