Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
