girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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