he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize