Pregnant stripper...not hot.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Randomize
