no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
