I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
