Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
im holly from the hills drunk
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
