my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
