I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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