He uses pillows to masturbate.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
