What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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