Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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