This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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