At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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