You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
