he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
