Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
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