i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
