He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
