marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
