she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
only you would photoshop your dick
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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