I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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