2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
