when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
