i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
