I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Sponge bath it is.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
