That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize