I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
