Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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