Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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