hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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