The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
