How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
