This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
