Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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