If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
