ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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