She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
