He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
no more duck duck goose at the bar
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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