On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
