The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
