Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
