I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My balls are so social today.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
