let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
false alarm. still invincible.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize