bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
