Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
