I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
