Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
This baby is an asshole
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize