do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize