I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
