my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
