So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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