The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize