Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
