You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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