I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
