I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
