I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
