I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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