Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
4 words: hood of his car
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
