Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
