i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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