My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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