Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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