Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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