thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
