nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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