pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
