They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.Â
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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