my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
