The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize