If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The feeling are messing with the penis
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
