i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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