Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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