he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
