She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
