I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
